Naked with Strangers

Within 24 hours of being here, I learned that in Lithuania, it is rude to fill your own glass.  I also learned that hostesses NEVER want to see a guest’s glass empty, and that if said guest is a foreigner, say from the US, then the hostess NEVER EVER wants to see that guest’s glass empty. I have been to other parties, dinners, and such events in Lithuania before, but always with a certain hesitancy and awkwardness.  This was different.  Jurga said that one of her friends was having a “girl party” and that I was invited as well.  She was pretty insistent that I join her, and so I obliged.  The party started at 6, so I imagined a nice leisurely evening of bread and cheese and wine and beer.  There was bread and cheese. And smoked salmon. And olives.  And salad.  And fruit.  And nuts.  And sausages.  And egg salad sandwiches (made the British way).  And that was the first course. Then there were grilled things and later, pie.  And there was wine and beer. And cider.  And vodka.  And whiskey.  And something in a can that said “Gin and cactus flavor” in English that I didn’t understand and couldn’t bring myself to ask about, because I knew I would then find myself with a full glass of it.

            While I know that the majority of people in Lithuania speak some English, especially those who attended University as most of Andrius and Jurga’s friends have, I also know that many are embarrassed to speak it as any of us are with an unnatural second language.  Lucky for me, the hostess, a bubbly woman named Ruta, was excited for the opportunity to practice, as she is going to an advertising seminar this week in Morocco that will be held in English.  That opened the door for me to be included in almost all conversations as the night progressed, either by someone translating, slowing down their Lithuanian, or speaking to me in English.  These women seemed fascinated with the idea that I am only half Lithuanian and yet want to return here to learn more about that half.  There came a lot of jokes about things Lithuanians do (like lie!?!) and how as a half-Lithuanian, I must be a half-liar.  Funny, yes, but a rite of acceptance in it’s own way too.   I am also beginning to wonder if being loud and talking fast are genetic traits.  If they are, I most certainly inherited them from my father’s side.

            While sharing food and drink and good conversation are all ways to acclimatize to a culture, I think I may have stumbled upon the fastest way.  A little bit like ripping off the band-aid, yes, but well worth it.  Get naked.  The purpose of this “girl party” was that Ruta’s work is somehow connected to a fancy spa in the city center.  Ruta also has a sauna in her backyard.  So, she invited a masseuse from work to work and all of her girlfriends over to enjoy massages, salt and honey scrubs, and the sauna.  We’ve all had those awkward moments in locker rooms where you think, “do I keep this towel on?” or “Should I wear my bathing suit into the steam room?”  Well, in the interest of cultural sensitivity, I had no time to fret over these questions.  When in Rome. 

            I spent the remainder of the evening as less of a foreigner and more of a friend.  I had a few real conversations with very interesting women and my guilt about not being able to speak their language disappeared for a while.  And well, in addition to a small victory for me in my struggle with belonging to a culture I can’t fully access, I have softer skin and lighter shoulders.